When we fail to connect with our true desires and we are not positioning ourselves as the creators of our lives, we can feel out of control, overwhelmed, resentful, frustrated and guilty.
These unpleasant emotions arise when we say “yes” when we mean “no”, bending over backwards to please others without listening to ourselves or communicating what we really mean, avoiding showing our authenticity, and even feelings of guilt can arise when we choose ourselves.
This is not a state in which we should remain. So what can we do to regain our power as the creator of our lives?
1. LISTEN TO US
Start by becoming aware of what you are tolerating in your own mind.
How do you talk to yourself, what do you focus on, do you choose criticism or kindness for yourself? Start within yourself. Start creating a narrative in your mind that is supportive, compassionate, even self-loving.
As you do, you will generate more positive feelings, more self-empowering actions and behaviours, which in turn will reinforce that supportive self-talk and maintain this new cycle of empowerment. Look in the mirror and declare your love!
2. LEARN TO SAY “NO
The easiest way to feel disempowered is to perpetually please others. It’s uncomfortable to set limits, it’s hard to say no, but it’s essential if you want to live a life that is yours. This does not mean closing the door to the world, but opening the door to self-respect.
You don’t have to be more available to others than to yourself. You don’t have to justify your decisions, you are not obliged to take on the problems, jobs, whims or desires of others. Create your own space, increase your self-esteem by listening to yourself and dosing your energy for yourself, always with respect.
3. ORGANISE YOUR TIME
Many of us feel that we have no time. Feeling like we don’t have time often means that we are loading ourselves with responsibilities without sufficiently recharging our energy.
We all have responsibilities and things to do in limited time, but our life is still our own. We can decide, for example, to get up 10 minutes earlier to meditate, to switch off our phones to enjoy some offline time, to take a break from our daily routine.
We can create a nourishing self-care routine where we devote that time to the things that make us happy, trying to choose and prioritise.
4. LISTEN TO YOURSELF
If your life is loaded with responsibilities and your vocabulary is loaded with obligations to be successful, I invite you to question yourself: Am I in tune with my needs? Do I know how to listen to myself? Would I like to try something new? Do I need to rekindle an old passion? Has my creativity faded? Do I connect with others? Am I following my dreams?
Listening to yourself is the key to creating your life your way. Listen to your needs, listen to your voice, listen to your intuition. These are yours for a reason. You have a unique make-up, potential, purpose, vision and path.
You will not be able to fully enjoy them if you always try to please others, if you accompany other people on their life path all the time.
5. LET GO
Remember that no human being is accepted by absolutely everyone, we all have our followers and detractors, this is normal and acceptable. Not everyone will like your creation, but if your authentic self likes it, this is what really matters.
Reflect, do you think that if you were focused on creating a life that you like, would you really care what others think? Would you choose comparison, judgement and criticism to create your life? Would you choose to keep dwelling on the regret or shame of a past version of you, or would you choose to be the creator of your true self?
If you want to create your own life, you have to make it your own. Find out whose opinions matter to you, who really loves you and rejoices in your achievements, who gives you advice and even constructive criticism. Spot the people who will only see the negative in you, whatever you do, and be indifferent to harmful comments, don’t absorb them or make them your own, just let them go, they don’t belong to you. Let go of the idea that everyone has to like you or approve of who you are and how you choose to live. Only you can do that!